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My book! It’s here!

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It’s September. Back to School is in full swing for most big kids, or it will be this week. Now it’s time to turn your attention to your little people, the ones with a year or two before they start kindergarten. 

If your child is four, or even three, you might be watching the big kids getting on that yellow bus and thinking about how far your child has to go before they get to “big school,” as my four-year-old calls it. I wrote this book as a response to lots of questions and anxieties I was hearing from parents, some about specific skills (“How many sight words should my child know when they start kindergarten?”) and some about broader concerns (“What if my child is too afraid to ask for help?” “What if they won’t eat their lunch?”)

After years of getting to know kindergartners as a special education teacher, I have seen many successful transitions to school from many different families. I have also seen some kids struggle for reasons that have nothing to do with how smart they are or how much they and their parents want a good school experience. Sometimes those concerns or differences work themselves out over the following year, but other times kids fall behind and stay behind because of something that they needed way back in kindergarten.

So I wrote a book about it. 

It’s a quick read, focused on 4 skill areas that make a difference for kids when they start school. There are sections on physical skills (self-help as well as motor skills), learning skills (like independence and following directions), social skills (self-advocacy and interacting with others) and academic skills (nuts and bolts things like learning their address or phone number). 

And, maybe the best news of all, it’s FREE on Amazon until this Thursday, 9/5. Grab a copy for yourself and please share with anyone you know who has a future kindergartener!

Download a free AM Routines checklist and join my email list for more ideas and updates on my brand new book 4 Things to Teach Your Child Before Kindergarten.

What is (or was) your biggest concern about your child starting kindergarten? Leave a comment below.


How to Organize Your Middle Schooler for Back to School

I just did an informal survey of the back to school supply lists on the local middle schools I’m familiar with. I’m hoping the twitch in my eye goes away soon. Every year, teachers put together careful, extremely detailed lists of items their students need to succeed in the classroom. And every year, parents stand, baffled, in the middle of office supply stores, surrounded by folders, binders, notebooks and children who would rather be done shopping and enjoying their last days of summer. I hate to add another back to school supply shopping post to the stress, but if I can lend some purpose and order to the disconnected lists you’ve been staring at, I think I should!

As I looked over the supply lists for a few different public middle schools, it was clear that the teachers put a lot of thought into what they requested. Some teams specify the colors of binders or folders, others specify the thickness of binders or ask for “heavy duty” styles. But others just ask for more generic supplies, like “one-subject notebooks.” 

If your child is lucky enough to attend a school that already has a color-coded system in place, great! Head to Target and get yourself a coffee while you’re at it!

But if your child’s supply list doesn’t give you a clear idea of what the whole system will look like when it’s put together, hang out with me for a minute and let’s make a plan.

How many classes?

First, how many core academic classes will your child be taking? It’s usually English language arts, math, science, social studies, and maybe a foreign language. So pick 5 different colors to start with. Scroll to the end to download my free worksheet to list the colors for each class so you can keep it all straight while you’re shopping.

What tools fit best?

Second, what kind of stuff does your child need/use? For some students, one large binder with a divider tab and a folder for each class works. For others, a separate 3-ring binder (durable or heavy duty) for each class is better. Then decide on either loose leaf paper for taking notes or wire-bound notebooks for each class. 

Know thy child

Third, how detail-oriented is your child? A fussy child with time on their hands might reinforce their notebook pages with those goofy little circle stickers. (That would have been me.) A less fussy child might toss the papers in and not care if the rings get ripped. They make reinforced looseleaf paper if you want to spend a little more to have the pages stay in the notebook. 

Hit the stores

Think quality if you don’t want to replace all this stuff (at full price) by Halloween. I like the dull, cheap, pocket folders better the ones that are shiny outside. They don’t seem to rip as easily. The plastic ones are durable, but the papers slide right out! Name-brand pencils and pens are one place I’m willing to spend a dollar or two more. I think the wirebound notebooks are all the same, but they do make some with plastic covers instead of paper, and they seem to last longer.

Now is also the time to buy an extra set of folders and an extra set of one-subject notebooks. If your child doesn’t use up (or lose!) the ones they start the year with, you can bet that the colors will be the same next year and you’ll have a head start!

But what about the cute stuff?

Some kids (and parents) have a terrible time passing up all the adorable printed folders and binders and notebooks that are available this time of year. If you’re willing to buy them for your child, maybe they can use them for a journal, crafts, homework folder, or an oddball class like band or gym where the color won’t be as big a deal. 

You can also add a fun accessory like stickers, a pencil case, duct tape, or washi tape so your child can personalize his or her new stuff.

I know the back to school shopping lists drive parents crazy. But having the right tools really does make your child’s day go more smoothly and help them stay organized when they go back to school!

For more ideas about back to school organization, check out these posts on color-coding a binder system, using Google Calendar as a homework planner, and setting up a homework space at home.

Need even more? Contact me today for a free 30-minute consultation to see how online tutoring can help your child stay on track this school year!



Get Your Preschooler to be More Independent in the Morning

In the years before I had kids, I knew I wasn’t ready to be a parent because I could barely get myself clean, fed, and out the door to work. Then I had a little kid, and “fed” took a backseat and I learned to take my granola bar to go. Now I have two young children and we are gradually building family routines that help my preschooler to be independent and keep me and my husband from tripping over each other as we try to get ready. 

So how do you get your preschooler to follow a schedule or routine? It’s not an easy process but I would argue it’s much easier to teach your child to follow a routine independently now than it will be when he’s a teenager and you want him to meet you at the car for a ride to the middle school. Start now and start small so your child’s skills and confidence grow as she grows.

Decide what needs to be done

The first and most important step to getting your child to follow a routine is to be clear in your own mind (and be clear with any other adults who are in the mix) what that routine will be. If Dad has one set of rules for getting ready for bed and Mom has another, your child will end up confused and waiting for cues from the adult on duty. 

Write down the routine

Decide on the key steps and write them down in child-friendly words. Use pictures where you can so your pre-reader can understand it on his own. Start with just one part of the day, either getting ready in the morning or getting ready for bed. Once your child learns to follow the list, you can add any other routines you need. My dining room wall currently has lists for morning and evening and, at my son’s request, after school. 

Start your list with things your child already knows how to do. Mine was:

  • Put your bowl in the sink
  • Put your PJ’s in the laundry
  • Put on your clothes
  • Put on socks and shoes
  • Get your backpack and jacket

Don’t try to teach them how to do something at the same time that you make them independently responsible for it. Teach them how to pour their own cereal with as much support as they need and add it to the checklist when they can do it independently every time (without leaving a minefield of Cheerios on your kitchen floor). 

If mornings are stressful and crazy, you might want to start with your evening routine. Likewise, if one parent works late and the other can just barely get the kids fed and stuffed into their beds in time, don’t start there. Teaching your child to follow a routine more independently will take work and time and, above all, patience from the adults, so pick a routine you feel like you can give her time to learn.

Introduce the expectations

When you have a grand unveiling of the new routine checklist, make it the most exciting thing you ever hung on the wall. I put ours in plastic page protectors and started with a dry erase marker so my son could check things off as he finished them. We eventually stopped using the marker because it was one more thing to find in the morning, and because he was able to keep track of what step he was on without checking it off. 

My introduction went something like this, “Hey, Goose? I have something cool to show you! I was thinking about all the things you do by yourself in the morning and I made a list. Check it out! You are doing each of these things all on your own, but I noticed you need me or Dad to remind you when it’s time to do them. So I want to try something new. Now, instead of me reminding you that it’s time to get dressed, you’re going to check your list every day after breakfast and see what you have to do. You are going to be so independent now that you’re three!”

At first, you may want to use some kind of small reward if your child finishes all the steps without prompting. We started in the fall, so we must have used small bits of Halloween candy when my son finished the list. My husband is the one who did the daycare drop-offs at that point, so I honestly don’t remember. If you do decide to give a reward, make sure you’re clear about what it takes to get it. Will your child get it for finishing all the steps? For finishing all the steps with no reminders? What if you have to say, “Go check your list” 5 times? 10 times? Start with something manageable for your child so the reward isn’t out of reach, but make sure you’re not spending all your time reminding them and having them think they are independent.

Start practicing

At first, getting your child to follow a checklist or routine takes longer than just talking them through the whole thing. Because now, instead of saying, “Put your bowl in the sink” and having them head for the kitchen, you have to say, “What’s next? Go check your list,” and wait while they go from the table to the wall to the table to take that bowl to the sink, then go back to the list to find out what comes next. 

For a while, I had to take my super-distracted preschooler by the hand and walk him over to the list every time he got interested in a toy or a shoe or a stray piece of lint. I would turn him to face the list, point to it, and he would say, “OH! Yeah! Pants!” 

Try to use as few verbal prompts as possible as your child learns this process. Remember, you are trying to replace the sound of your voice with the beautiful checklist you created. Try modeling what you want them to do (stand in front of the checklist and look pointedly at their cereal bowl), pointing to the checklist, or handing them the list to get them to read from it. 

Expect more

Over a few weeks, if you are consistent, your child will become more and more independent. You might find that your checklist goes through a few different drafts if your child needs extra reminders for a certain step or puts her bowl in the sink, but never her spoon. 

Once your child masters this checklist, you can think about adding one for another part of the day. You can also use the same idea for jobs that aren’t daily, like taking the recycling out to the curb or picking up toys in the living room. Break it into steps, create visuals, and make it motivating. Kids are often so proud that they can do it on their own that they don’t need a reward, beyond your high five and their own sense of accomplishment. 

So what can your preschooler start doing for herself? What do your children already do on their own?

Enter your email below to download free Morning and Evening Checklists and join my email list for more ideas and updates on my upcoming book 4 Things to Teach Your Child Before Kindergarten.




When Should Your Child Start Doing Chores?

Pinterest is chock full of lists and infographics and opinions about the right age to give kids chores. Chatting with groups of parents, I’ve realized that chores are an issue that is divisive. There is a huge range of opinions about what are age-appropriate chores. So when should a child start doing chores? I think the answer is “as soon as possible.” I’ll tell you why.

I’ve written before about ways to help children develop executive functioning skills. These are skills that help children “execute” all kinds of tasks, from getting ready for school on time to applying to college. These skills develop over time, even into adulthood, but kids who don’t develop them at the same time as their peers can be at a big disadvantage when it comes to school.

Chores are one way to help children develop their executive functioning skills, as well as improving their confidence, problem-solving and motor skills. Chores can be a way to spend valuable time with your kids. And finally, having your kids do chores means the family gets more done faster! (Eventually). 

If your goal is to have your child building all these skills as early as they can, you will start to see chores everywhere you look. Here is how my kids started out and some ideas I have for turning over more responsibility as they grow.

One to two years

Yes, at 16 months, my daughter is starting to help out. She loves it because she’s interacting with us and we cheer and thank her. Some of her skills are:

  • Bring me the ___ (this works for socks and toys, of course, but it also works for having her hand me items from the laundry basket so I can fold them)
  • Put the ___ in the ___ (clothes in the laundry hamper, toy in the toy box, napkin in the trash)
  • She will happily accept a wipe or a tissue but doesn’t really have the hang of wiping her hands or a surface. 

A little closer to two, my son would unwrap the bars of soap when we bought a bulk pack of them. It took practice to put soap in one basket and wrappers in the trash, but that’s what makes it good for building executive functions.

Probably by the time he turned two, he was carrying his empty plate to the kitchen, although I took anything messy for him. 

By two, he was also wiping his table with a water spray bottle and a little cloth. He loved this job the most because of the spraying of water. It took a long time to refine it so it didn’t make a bigger mess than it cleaned up, but I think it’s worth it because using the sprayer builds hand strength and now I just have to say, “Clean the table first,” and at 4 he gets the mild cleaner, sprays down the surface, wipes the table and puts the cloth in the laundry and the spray in the cabinet. The time we invested between two and four has really paid off.

Two to three years

By the age of 3, my son had a lot of responsibilities. They were often more trouble than they were worth because things take him longer and he would often get distracted. Sometimes, there just wasn’t time for him to do things for himself, especially on weeknights. But I tried to make up for it on weekends and in the summer. Here are some jobs he had before he was 3:

  • Clearing his place after dinner, scraping his plate into the trash and stacking it by the sink. (I’d say in the dishwasher, but let’s be real – the dishwasher doesn’t get emptied and reloaded until long after he’s in bed.)
  • Putting dirty clothes in the laundry (thoroughly and on his own, without reminders)
  • Carrying a pile of t-shirts upstairs and putting them in the drawer, with supervision
  • Picking up his toys one category at a time (put all the food in the play kitchen, put all the soft toys in the hammock)
  • Getting dressed (I limited his wardrobe to gray and black pants and a bunch of shirts that all matched so he was guaranteed success)
  • Carrying and unpacking his own backpack after daycare
  • Washing windows with his trusty water spray bottle (this doesn’t actually accomplish anything, but he loved it!)
  • Making a peanut butter sandwich while I helped with things like jar lids and spreading
  • Measuring ingredients into the rice cooker, as long as I stood by to monitor

Three to four years

In the last year, my son has increased independence with the chores he has been doing for a long time, and we’ve started doing visual checklists so he does not need as many reminders to do the things he is responsible for every day. We’ve also added some new jobs:

  • Folding laundry – first washcloths, then moving on to his own underwear, then shorts and shirts, and larger towels
  • Putting away all his laundry
  • Stripping his bed and bringing his sheets down for washing
  • Making a sandwich if I just take out the jars and set up the step stool
  • Washing fruit or vegetables before he eats them
  • Organizing his bookshelf or art drawers (he still needs verbal coaching to point the books in the right direction)
  • Carrying out some of the trash and recycling on trash day
  • Bringing in the empty recycling bin in the afternoon
  • Emptying the silverware basket in the dishwasher
  • Sweeping specific messes, like spilled cereal (I got a broom from the dollar store and cut the handle down so he’s not knocking things down with it)

Please don’t think I’m raising perfect robot children who do all these things happily. There are tears sometimes and there is foot-dragging and there are endless reminders on some days. I frame all these jobs as things that have to get done so we can go more places and have more fun together. Sometimes I do play up the drama a little. “I know, I would love to go to the park this afternoon, but unfortunately, I have soooooo much laundry to fold I won’t be able to take you…unless I get some help….” 

I also give lots of choices. “I’m going to need some help getting ready for dinner. Would you rather go pick peas in the garden or wipe the dining room table?” And if he spends 20 minutes running around the front yard, great, as long as he comes back with the beans! I’m looking forward to adding some chores in the next few years, as the kids get older. Here’s my wishlist:

  • Emptying the whole dishwasher (when they are tall enough)
  • Bringing in groceries from the car and unpacking them
  • Folding more laundry (I don’t know why, but I hate folding laundry)
  • Food prep – making salad, washing and cutting more fruits, mixing, measuring
  • Packing lunches – I’ll make the single serving containers of snacks and side dishes and they will pick a balanced meal from the choices available

In the end, I want my children to learn a few things. One, this house doesn’t run itself. My husband and I work hard to feed everyone, clothe them, and keep the house clean. Each member of the family is part of that system and we do these things for each other because that’s what it means to be in a family. 

Two, I want them to learn how to solve problems and work through jobs more and more independently. Today, my four-and-a-half year old made his peanut butter and fluff sandwich and set it down on the table before realizing he hadn’t cut it. He complained loudly because he had used the last two knives in the drawer to spread the peanut butter and the fluff (“Because I didn’t want them to get mixed together.” Problem-solving!) and didn’t have one to cut the sandwich because he put them both in the sink. I was sympathetic but I didn’t get up from my own lunch or offer a solution. He considered a couple of options: a fork, a spoon. I did have to prompt him to think about where else there could be knives (in the clean dishwasher) but he went through a lot of steps before I had to help him. 

I joke that I want my kids to grow up to be employable and marriageable but really, what would be so bad about that? Employable = problem-solving, skilled, nice to be around. Marriageable = nice to be around and a responsible roommate. Sure, that’s too simplistic but I think it’s a great start. And I’m starting with chores.  

Download a free Morning Chores Checklist and join my email list for more ideas and updates on my upcoming book 4 Things to Teach Your Child Before Kindergarten.



How to Get Your Kids to Read This Summer

“Go play.” 

“Stop poking your brother.”

“I just fed you!”

“Where are your shoes?”

“Go read a book. A book. Yes, a book!”

Summer is officially underway. Have you checked the calendar yet to see when school starts again?

Kids seem to fall into two groups when it comes to reading. There are those that are begging to go to the library again to trade their huge pile of books for another. And then there are those who need to be urged, inspired, begged or forced to read. There are so many other things a child can do with a summer day and for many, reading falls pretty low on that list. 

Does it even matter if your kids read in the summer?

It sure does. You may have heard of the summer slide. The summer slide is the tendency for kids to lose skills (up to a month’s worth of learning!) over the summer. While the risk is greater in math, some students also lose reading skills, especially kids who struggle. In my experience as a teacher and tutor, what school-age children tend to lose is reading stamina and the ability to think through a question or problem. Getting their brains running from a standing start in the first week of school can be hard for all of us.

Some schools will assign specific summer reading and expect children (usually middle school or older) to take a test or discuss the book when they get back. Obviously, these assignments impact your child’s grades and have the potential to get their year off to a rough start if they don’t read the book or read it well. Other schools set a more general expectation for reading and might give you suggested book lists for your child’s grade. 

How do you get your kids to read in the summer? 

So once you decide it’s important, how do you get your kids to sit down with books and make the magic happen? Routines, Reminders, Rewards and Requirements. There are other ways, but I couldn’t think of any others that start with R, so here we go:

Routines

Pick a part of the day and make it a routine that everyone takes out a book and reads at this time. (No fair playing on your own phone while they do this. If you can’t sit down and read, take yourself to another room or they will call you on it.) For some families, first thing in the morning works, while others take a siesta after lunch for reading and relaxation. Bedtime is a nice time to read, too, but any part of the day that you can make consistent for your family this summer will do the trick! Shoot for 20-30 minutes, depending on the age of your kids, but if that’s hard, start with 10 minutes and work your way up. Play quiet instrumental music, dim the lights, or go to the room with the coolest air conditioning if it helps your kids get comfy.

Reminders

I know. You’ve been reminding your kids to read, and you’re still reading this post looking for better ideas! Other ways to remind/inspire your kids to read are: make the books available and appealing. Think about the way the book store displays best sellers. Stand them up in the kitchen next to the snacks or feature them prominently on the coffee table. Keep a stack of picture books in the car or in the bathroom, wherever your kids seem to spend all their time. 

Rewards

There’s some research that shows that rewarding kids for spending time reading can actually backfire, so tread lightly with this one. One thing that has been proven effective is rewarding kids for reading by getting them more books. This can be awesome if your child gets into a series and you can reward them by picking up the next one at your bookstore or library. My public library has moved their summer reading club online. My four-year-old doesn’t totally get it, but I think it’s great for school age kids. We type in the number of minutes he read, and we can list his books. He earns digital badges for reaching each goal for minutes of reading. This program also has other non-reading tasks that match the summer’s theme. For example, this year’s theme is space, so one task was naming all 8 planets. (I can’t help it. I keep typing 9. Poor Pluto!) 

And I don’t care what the research says. If you need to make lemonade when you finish The Lemonade War or go out for butterbeer when you finish a Harry Potter book, by all means, celebrate reading! (Where does one go for butterbeer, anyway?)

Requirements

I saved this one for last because it’s my least favorite way to get kids reading. But some kids are never going to get the chance to fall in love with a book because they will never open one on their own! For your reluctant and resistant readers, you might need to make reading a “must-do” before they go out to play or get screen time. I know some parents don’t give the kids the wifi password until they’ve finished their chores for the day. 

It doesn’t have to be books

The cool thing about summer reading is you do not have to limit yourself to books. Of course, that’s true all year, but it might feel more true in the summer when there’s no reading log for the teacher or homework. It counts as reading if your child reads travel guides for your summer vacation, reads stats and game recaps for their favorite baseball team, or even reads magazines about their favorite video game or reality TV star. 

You might get your kids involved in reading recipes to bake a cake or reading directions to put together a new toy. My son is starting to read and is fascinated by cereal boxes and whatever comes in the mail. That won’t be enough to keep your sixth grader’s brain active all summer, but my point is find those moments for reading wherever you can!

One student I tutored had a summer “reading” assignment to listen to a podcast. For older children who are really focused on story and comprehension, podcasts and audiobooks still “count” as reading. There are some great podcasts for younger children, too, like Shabam! and Eleanor Amplified, but they don’t give the same eyes-on-the-page practice that your beginning reader needs to become fluent. They are still great for car rides and quiet time.

Read with them

Your kids are not too old to be read to. Oh, I don’t know how old your kids are? Doesn’t matter. I just wrote a whole post on reading out loud to kids, so I won’t repeat myself here, but I think reading aloud is a totally underappreciated way to connect with your kids and bring them a love of stories. 

And if your teenager absolutely will not sit still while you break out the Shel Silverstein poems, try reading what they are reading. Let them recommend a book to you and read it, even if it’s incredibly lame. I think taking book recommendations from your kid can be especially challenging if your child has interests totally unlike yours. You might have to read about war battles or awkward middle school crushes or robots or proper English ladies pining for a husband. You might not love it. But how can you expect your kids to take your book recommedations seroiusly if you don’t read the books they recommend? You will have something new to talk to your child about and you might learn something important about the way they view the world. 

Make it a game

I was thinking about all my memories of reading in the summer. As a teenager, I loved pulling a chair out onto the deck and putting my feet up on the railing. I read A Tale of Two Cities on a hill in the shade in a park near my house. I couldn’t read in the car, but I read everywhere else! I remember getting wet thumbprints on the book pages by the pool and reading in the evening, freshly showered, in front of the fan. 

I made a summer bingo board to try to inspire kids to find some of those same reading moments that I loved so much. Put in your email address below and I’ll send it to you, too. I’ll send you some updates, too.

So what are your favorite tips and tricks for getting your kids reading in the summer?

Big feelings in small bodies – Why adults saying sad when they mean angry is my pet peeve

I started my teaching career in a classroom with students with autism spectrum disorders and/or intellectual disabilities. They were in middle school when I had them but they were the sort of kids whose parents often knew from birth that they were going to need extra help. Many had been in public school special education since their third birthdays and they had definitely learned some things that I don’t think we ever planned to teach them. One of the hardest things to change for these kids was the idea that when they behaved in a way that negatively impacted other people, their peers and the adults in their lives felt “sad.” 

It’s not that those kids never behaved in a way that made me feel sad. Sometimes they broke my heart because it was clear that they were doing their best and still struggling, or they wore their hearts on their sleeves in a way that was so much more real than what adults express. 

But when a seventh grader is goofing around and steps on my foot out of carelessness, I don’t feel sad. I feel annoyed! And it’s so much harder to help kids problem-solve and figure out how to exist in a world full of people when all they have heard is that their behavior makes people feel “sad.” 

I know how it happens. Before I worked in public school, I worked in early intervention and visited kids in their homes and preschools. When a 2-year-old with a language delay hits a peer, you tell them hitting makes their friends feel sad. Sad is simple and non-threatening and you can use it for anything. “Mommy feels sad when you yell and wake your sister up.” “Nana feels sad when you say her spaghetti is gross.” “You aren’t following safety rules crossing the street and that makes me sad.” Manipulative? A little. But many kids don’t want the people they like to be sad, so they understand that and they can work to change their behavior. 

But eventually, maybe sooner than we think, those little people (with or without disabilities) become bigger people, and they need an emotional vocabulary to deal with their own feelings and respond to the feelings of others. Toddlers hit when they are sad, or angry, or overwhelmed, or sometimes excited. They might be tired or hungry or just plain ticked off at you. And as long as there’s that gap between big feelings and words to name them, kids continue to act out in ways that don’t help them and are often not socially acceptable. 

One way to help your preschooler be emotionally literate and ready for school is to help him or her name those feelings and start to figure out what to do about them. 

Name that feeling

Sometimes preschoolers are overwhelmed by such big feelings that they can’t stop and name them and think about them. I mean, have you ever raged at the poor teenager who makes your coffee at the drive-thru or snapped at your spouse and realized after the fact that you had no idea why? We can usually think back and realize that we had a lousy night’s sleep or that we are nervous about an upcoming meeting, but preschoolers have a much harder time thinking about the past and the future, so all that cause-and-effect stuff is a mystery to them.

Before they can learn to deal effectively with emotions, they need to name them. They can practice that through play. Act out: What does your face look like when you’re angry? Let’s pretend the dolls are excited to go to the park! How do you feel when you have to go upstairs and it’s dark? Show me. There are many different emotions we can name and show, but for preschoolers, I think the most useful ones are: happy/content/calm, sad, scared/worried, angry and excited. They might find it easier to recognize these in book characters (because their faces don’t move) or loved ones before they can recognize them in themselves or in other kids. 

Some great books for talking about emotions with preschoolers are:

  • When Sophie Gets Angry –  Really, Really Angry by Molly Bang
  • How Do Dinosaurs Say I’m Mad by Jane Yolen and Mark Teague
  • Feelings by Aliki
  • Wemberley Worried by Kevin Henkes
  • The Color Monster by Anna Llenas
  • Glad Monster Sad Monster by Anne Miranda and Ed Emberley

As your child is beginning this process, they might need you to help them recognize and name their feelings. Before you jump in and assume you understand, it’s best to do some detective work. It might seem like your child is just grumpy when it’s time to go to camp, but if you ask a few questions, you might find that she’s really nervous because she will be meeting new counselors or angry because she thinks you’ll be having fun without her while she’s gone. 

You can tread lightly by saying things like, “You keep yelling and saying you don’t want to go to camp. Sometimes people yell because they’re angry. Are you angry?” You might have to play a little bit of 20 Questions but hopefully you can get to the bottom of your child’s big reaction and offer them the right kind of help.

Once your preschooler can name their big feelings, it is a lot easier for them to figure out what they need to handle the feeling and/or change the situation. There are so many different strategies that can help kids, from breathing techniques to calming boxes to distraction to drawing. What’s important is that your child should have a toolkit of maybe 3 or 4 strategies that work for them. Practice them when things are calm. Have your child coach you to use a strategy when you get stuck in traffic or stub your toe. Keep the materials or picture reminders nearby so they are easy to grab when they are needed. 

After we worked through sad, happy, and angry with my son, the next feeling he asked to learn about was worried. Until we started really talking about feelings when he was four, I had no idea that worry was such a big part of his life. Now, at four and a half, he is a bit better about expressing his worry or disappointment, and it is so helpful to understand why he is upset, instead of guessing that he’s tired or feeling shy. He might still respond with a loud squeal when he thinks he might run out of time to go somewhere fun or do something he wants, but his long, loud, sweaty meltdowns are largely a thing of the past. 

And that’s why teaching children to name their emotions, and being honest with them about your own emotions, can be so valuable. It helps them feel more in control and makes them more able to face challenges and rebound from setbacks. And all this emotion stuff lays the groundwork for all their other accomplishments – in school, in sports, in relationships, everywhere.

Download a free Calming Strategies Visual and join my email list for more ideas and updates on my upcoming book 4 Things to Teach Your Child Before Kindergarten.



6 Reasons to Read to your Kids This Summer

I’m a big fan of reading. It’s been my favorite reason to stay up late since I was old enough to do it on my own. But I have happy memories from long before that when my parents, usually my dad, would read us bedtime stories. He very patiently read the Disney version of Cinderella to me hundreds of times. He read us novels like A Wrinkle in Time. My mom read me Little Women and got us a hardcover classic children’s book every Christmas for years. I’m looking at them on the bookshelf now and wondering when I can trust my own kids with them. Remind me, when do kids outgrow the paper-eating stage? Anyway, whether your kids are lap babies or pre-teens, there are lots of reasons to read to kids in the summer, and lots of fun reading activities you can try.

Model fluency and vocabulary

So this is the boring, teacher-y reason to recommend reading to kids this summer. Reading books to your child lets them hear how good reading sounds. It exposes them to structures and rhythms and vocabulary words in good books that they can’t read on their own yet. Or, even if it’s an old favorite that they can read on their own, they can learn from the way you read it, the places you pause and the questions you ask. 

Expand genres

You can read your child books they might not pick on their own. Stuck on superheroes? Maybe it’s time to introduce them to Harry Potter or Percy Jackson. Loving fairies? How about Peter Pan? Read them old favorites from your childhood or browse the librarians’ recommendations at your local library for new favorites. Read to them from magazines or the newspaper. Check out the books that have been made into their favorite movies. Find a biography of a favorite athlete or historical figure. 

Quality time

Making a point of sitting down and reading to your kids this summer is a way to make sure you spend some quality time with the family. I know “Quality Time” is a cliche and that it puts pressure on busy parents to not just keep their kids alive, but to Make Memories. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t true. Think about summer as an opportunity to slow down and do this one thing that will get your whole family sitting in the same place, not fighting over toys, not begging for snacks, and not watching TV. 

A break from the midday heat

My kids are pale little creatures, about half Irish. Sunshine is their kryptonite. So whatever I can do to keep them out of the sun between about 11 and 2, when the sun is strongest and shade is hard to find, becomes my favorite activity. I won’t lie, a few days a week that’s a nap for the small one and an after-lunch Netflix matinee for the big one. But when everyone is awake, it’s a great time to sprawl all over the couch and read out loud.

Learn together

The couch or your kids’ bedrooms are great places to read, but reading out loud to your kids doesn’t have to mean getting snuggled up. You can show your child how to read for information, like reading guide books to plan your summer vacation or reading the directions for their new swingset. When my curious 4-year-old wants to know something, he asks, “Can we watch a video on YouTube about it?” That’s the easy way to find out something new, but reading is not obsolete. Find a book or a website about the things your child is curious about and show them how to read for information. It will be easier now than it will be when they are back at school and following their curiosity is put aside in favor of research and reports

Start a new tradition

What’s the most relaxing place for you? Do you love lying on a picnic blanket in the park? Chairs on the beach? Rocking on your back porch? In a tent, listening to the crickets? Think about what makes you happiest – then add a book. You don’t have to make every book you read an amazing adventure, but you can give your children the powerful gift of remembering reading as relaxing, warm and fun, something you do because you love it. 

The point

I started this blog post with half a dozen tabs open with all kinds of research I could cite about why reading to kids makes them happier and smarter and makes their sweaty socks smell better (OK, no, it doesn’t do that). But really, parent to parent, I say read to your kids this summer because it makes everyone feel happy. And if you’re dreading it for some reason, it’s time to try something new. New place, new time, new reading material. It’s summer. Have fun!

If you want a free summer reading bingo board and some email blog updates with more ideas to make reading fun, give me your email address below. 

Five Reasons to Start with a New Tutor This Summer

1. You have more time

No PTA meetings. No school drop-offs. And it seems like our adult schedules let up a little in the summer, too. More time to meet with a tutor, find the right fit, and set a schedule without making yourself crazy!

2. Your child doesn’t have any homework

When I meet with students for the first time during the school year, we end up doing a lot of homework triage. Instead of starting with the foundational skills they need to succeed, like vocabulary or strategies for reading comprehension, we have to just find a way to get through the homework so they can catch up or keep up with the class. In the summer, I can build lessons around students’ needs and interests and they can make good progress without worrying about falling behind in some other area of their learning.

3. Your child feels less stressed

This goes right along with the homework. But students also feel stressed by extracurriculars, music lessons and practice, sports, and social stuff during the school year. In the summer, kids are sometimes even bored! It’s a beautiful thing. And it gives them lots of breathing room to work on their reading or writing skills.

4. Tutors often have more availability

During the school year, I’m limited to evening hours because I teach during the day. In the summer, I have some afternoons open for tutoring and can often meet earlier in the evening (or later) to give families a flexible schedule that fits their needs.

5. Your child will start the school year confident in her new skills instead of worried about the new challenges

This is the best reason! What could be better than knowing that the academic worries that made this past school year hard are not problems anymore? Your child can walk into school next year excited to show off what he can do!

Contact me for a free consultation and demo lesson to see if online tutoring is a good fit for your child this summer.

Enter your email address below to get a free copy of my Summer Reading Bingo to keep your kids reading this summer!

Is your child hyperactive or does he need better core strength?

A couple years ago, I read about an eye-opening study by an ADHD researcher named Dr. Carsten Vogt that put the whole “kids need recess” debate into perspective for me. Intuitively, we know kids need to move and we know we feel better when we move than when we are stuck in an airplane seat or flopped on the couch all weekend. It’s all about core strength!

But this study demonstrated that kids with weak core muscles who were being evaluated for ADHD had higher levels of movement (which could cause them to be rated hyperactive) than kids with strong core muscles. Basically, kids with weak muscles can’t sit still so they look fidgety and inattentive, so they are more likely to be diagnosed with ADHD! But it’s not their brains that can’t pay attention, it’s their bodies! Or rather, what their brains need is a stronger body to sit on top of!

Whoa.

A diagnosis of ADHD can have life-long consequences and it comes with a whole host of educational, medical, and social-emotional decisions and work to be done. But what if some of those kids who can’t sit still just lack physical strength?

Even without the large consequences of an ADHD diagnosis, poor core strength can affect kids in many ways. Throughout the school day, we ask them to sit and stand and reach and write. It all starts with a strong, stable core.

But do you have to put your preschooler through core strengthening boot camp? Nope! Read on for some playful ways to get your kids off to a (physically) strong start at school.

What does poor core strength look like?

Kids with poor core strength slump their shoulders forward when they sit. They might get fatigued easily when they run or have poor balance. They might always be looking for someone to push them on the swings or boost them up a ladder on the playground.

Miss Jaime, O.T. adds that leaning on you, the couch, or the table are more signs of poor core strength. So is sitting on the floor with legs in a W shape, with their feet behind them. A weak core can make kids fidget, swing their feet, or frequently switch position. Are you always asking your child to, “sit up,” “sit down,” or “just sit STILL!”? Maybe the problem is their bodies aren’t ready for those challenges.

This post from Skills for Action has a ton of photos and illustrations of what a child’s posture should look like. It really helped me understand what core muscles do!

Why is a weak core a problem?

At school, kids often have to sit on the rug or sit in chairs, or on backless benches in the cafeteria. Without core strength they lean and slump. They may be distracted by their uncomfortable bodies or feel tired. Try it now. Pull yourself up into your best charm school posture. Then slump down into your regular Friday afternoon, barely awake, posture. Which one makes you feel more energetic? Smarter? More alert and ready to learn?

Poor core strength can make it harder for kids to learn to write and read. They have to be able to control and coordinate their eyes, hands, arms and fingers and that’s harder if they are focused on just keeping their bodies upright.

Outside the classroom, weak core strength can affect kids’ performance in sports because it impacts their stamina and their balance. It can affect some classic kid activities like climbing the ladder to the slide, swinging on swings, biking and swimming.

And kids don’t want to do activities where they don’t feel successful, so a kid with a weak core isn’t going to be the one begging to practice riding his bike! So if you notice your child has a weak core and is having trouble with these activities, you may have to trick them into getting excited about core work with some of these fun activities!

Strengthen your child’s core (and yours!) through play

While this post from the Child’s Play Therapy Center recommends “good old fashioned outdoor play” to develop kids’ core strength, you might want a little more direction or guidance. Here are some of my favorite activities, collected from the sites I mentioned above:

  • Wheelbarrow walks
  • Play Twister
  • Pumping on a swing
  • Swimming
  • Biking
  • Chores like shoveling snow or carrying groceries (OK, this is secretly my favorite because I’m the mean mom that makes my 4-year-old do these things already)
  • Obstacle courses with crawling  
  • Simon Says with whole body movements (Simon says “do a bear crawl” or “hop like a frog”)
  • Yoga – I like the Cosmic Kids Yoga channel on YouTube for keeping my 4-year-old engaged and moving
  • If you’re looking for something with more clear instructions, this ebook from OT Mom looks great. I haven’t gotten it yet, but you can’t beat $5 for an ebook full of photographs of activities.

Good habits for building core strength

I hate to say this because it was a time of misery and strife at our house, but it’s time to work in some tummy time. I know! You thought you would never have to torture your children with it again once they could crawl and walk but working in that position is great for developing the neck and back muscles that support your child’s core. Lie down on the floor with them to drive cars, do a puzzle, or read a story. Bonus points if your activity has them shifting their weight to use their arms.

Another good habit that was frequently recommended is to have kids pay attention to the way they’re sitting. If they sit down to draw or write, remind them they want their feet on the floor (which reminds me, I need a small stool to put under the dining room table!) and their backs nice and straight. Give them seating options like backless stools and exercise balls while they are watching TV so they are less tempted to sprawl on the couch.

And model good habits! Maybe start reading bedtime stories sitting on the floor instead of curled up on the couch. Be active with your kids to help make you both stronger! Plus, it’s fun!

This is personal

My son is struggling a little with core strength now. He loves to write and draw and he loves to run and jump but he has never been a confident climber nor does he have the best balance. He’s an active kid with lots of terrific, age-appropriate skills. But when I watch him struggle to kick across the pool in a swimming lesson, my heart sinks. I want him to be able to do everything he wants to do and I feel like I’ve neglected this part of his development.

My plan this summer is to change the way we move, mix up our activities and give us both more opportunities to build core strength! Here’s to lots of bike rides and endless games of Simon Says!

What’s your favorite way to encourage core strength development in kids?



Is your child hyperactive or are his core muscles weak?


Can my child fail her kindergarten screening?

Schools have a variety of different practices for kindergarten screening. Some have kids come in during the spring for a tour, screening, or orientation. Other schools do it right before school starts at the end of the summer, or even on the first few days of school. If you are wondering about your child’s kindergarten screening, the best source of information is the school itself. The second best source is any group of local parents, in person or on social media.

No matter when they schedule it, your child’s new school will probably have one or more events before kindergarten starts, so kids can get used to the new school building and teachers and other staff have the chance to meet the students. This often includes a brief screening assessment. A kindergarten screening is a great opportunity for teachers to get to know students and for kids to meet some new adults and show off what they know by playing some short learning games.

Even though kindergarten screening can be a very positive experience, I have rarely seen a parent look as anxious as parents do as they watch their freshly scrubbed and combed little boy or girl walk away with a teacher for their screening. It’s totally understandable. I mean, before your children turn 5, how many times do you really just have them walk away from you with another adult for set for any reason? Maybe they’ve been with babysitters or daycare or preschool teachers but for the most part, you’ve been along to at least ease the transition.

I promise you, kindergarten screenings are nothing for either you or your child to be nervous about. Hopefully, reading this post will take some of the mystery out of the process and help you and your child enjoy their introduction to their new school!

Why do kindergartens do screenings?

Take a moment to see the world through kindergarten teacher’s eyes. All of a sudden, on the first day of school, about 20 little people enter your classroom. They’re excited, they’re curious, they’re shy, they’re crying, and they’re wondering when it’s time for snack. The teacher has to keep the class moving through the day and engaged to give them a great first day of school, so she doesn’t have a lot of chances to sit and chat with individual kids that first day. Kindergarten screening is where children have the opportunity to interact one-on-one with one of the professionals that work within the school and they are incredibly valuable for teachers. It can speed up the process of the teachers at school getting to know your child’s strengths and their needs.

What will they ask my child to do at kindergarten screening?

Schools use many different tools for the kindergarten screening process. Regardless of whether they have published assessment tool that they use or whether they have put together their own set of activities, they are often looking for some of these skills:

  • Communicating verbally – this can include chatting with the adults in the room, giving information like their full name, naming pictures and saying what words mean
  • Following directions to do physical and tabletop tasks, like hopping on one foot and pointing to your nose and making a pattern like my pattern with your blocks.
  • Motor skills including ability to use a pencil and scissors
  • Knowledge of common preschool material like letters, numbers, and colors.
  • Behavioral observations like whether the child separates easily from a parent, is friendly or shy, or is impulsive about touching the assessment materials

What happens if my kid isn’t good at that stuff?

As long as your child meet the age requirements for kindergarten and is in the right neighborhood for the school they’re attending, the school cannot turn them away. There’s no such thing as failing a kindergarten screening.

Teachers use the information they gain from kindergarten screenings to plan strategic groups for different skills. For example, a teacher might have a whole group of entering kindergartners who don’t know all their letter sounds and she might plan to work with those students more frequently until they master the skill. Sometimes other experts come in to work with groups in the classroom, like occupational therapists or speech therapists, and they may pay special attention to a group who’s having trouble with a particular skill, like making a certain speech sound or using scissors.

In some cases, teachers might note significant concerns about a child’s development. Often, these are children who we already know needed extra help with speech and language or motor skills as young children. They might have had early intervention services or they might have been seeing a therapist privately before starting school. It’s still helpful for teachers to see these kids in action in the screening environment and get a perspective on what they might need when school starts. In other cases, teachers may have concerns about a student who has not been identified previously. Teachers use information they get from the kindergarten screening to make a note of who to keep a closer eye on as school begins so that they can provide extra support, gather more information, and communicate with the parents as soon as possible about any concerns they have.

Will I find out how my child did at kindergarten screening?

This depends on the school. In some schools, parents get a written report that gives them scores for the kindergarten screening tool that the school uses. In other places, parents might get a more generic letter that states that their child participated and no concerns were noted. You may also get follow-up communication that your child has been selected for short-term extra help with a professional in the school, or that the school would like to talk about some things they noticed or recommend further testing. If you have questions about any of these communications, it is a great idea to get in touch with the person who sent you the letter or with the child’s teacher to find out more about what they are noticing with your child as he or she starts school.

While the process of sending children’s kindergarten screening can cause a lot of anxiety for parents, please remember that the purpose of the whole process is to get your child off to a good start in kindergarten and make sure they have the tools they need to succeed there. Everything that teachers ask or do during the screening process serves that purpose. Teachers want kids to have a good experience with the screening and we want them to enter kindergarten feeling confident and excited about all the things they will learn!